We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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