There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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