We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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