I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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