then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Be still, my beating vagina.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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