End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
