my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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