In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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