every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
