I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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