so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
