wanna go halves on a baby?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
