We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
