I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
even my farts smell like vagina
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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