My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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