They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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