the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
