He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
