ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
