WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
