Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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