Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
