the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
