Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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