we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
