if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
