True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
