he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
