I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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