I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm getting married
To pizza
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
