you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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