discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
