Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
