By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Someone signed my nipple.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
