So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
