I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
