You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
