He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
