Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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