just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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