I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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