my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
