After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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