the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
