shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
