so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
