Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
