I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
