Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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