didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
