Moan for me like Helen Keller
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
